do you know oblivion?

conceptualizing oblivion and considering the important role it plays within our psyche, enjoy the dance

Hello everyone, I hope you all having a wonderful week! Here is a journey into the mind that hopes to provide you something to contemplate.

As always, thank you for your support on this mind exploration journey I’ve taken, I truly appreciate the support and your kind words.

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A quote to consider before reading my post:

“Truth cannot be accumulated. What is accumulated is always being destroyed; it withers away. Truth can never wither because it can only be found from moment to moment in every thought, in every relationship, in every word, in every gesture, in a smile, in tears. And if you and I can find that and live it — the very living is the finding of it — then we shall not become propagandists; we shall be creative human beings.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti

So, have you been to oblivion?

This post will be a flow of contemplation around this idea of oblivion, while weaving in its connection to an understanding of existence itself. In the end, I hope you see a connection with the quote that connected personally with my own perception.

To begin, how do thoughts and ideas relate to this state of oblivion?

Thoughts and ideas can, at times, be like a disease. No matter what we do, we find ourselves unable to shake it. Those ideas that we cannot help but fixate on. We can bottle them up — run and hide within our own psyche — but it persists somewhere within. A disease that feels incurable. An incurable disease in the form of a thought — waiting, watching, and ready to fracture our psyche once again.

So where are we left within our psyche? Acknowledging and facing that thought once more, again and again, in that perpetual cycle. We tell ourselves, this time, the thought has been put to bed, but we’ve only changed the structures we hold the thought in.

We then acknowledge this battle in our mind will be a never-ending flow, one that tosses itself between a binary structure: one of dance and one of a feuding brawl.

And yet we persist, because what else do we have to validate our existence? We have the wars we face within our own minds. The wars that only we, ourselves, can know.

So, have I been to oblivion?

I spend the day in my head. My friends tell me to meditate, to quiet my mind and process my thoughts, but that just reminds me of oblivion. I know oblivion. I’m attached to my thoughts. They become me, or maybe they create me; a hopeless tether latching onto my own concept of existence. Do I exist?

I’ve found this strange line in this confusing pursuit of creating a strange identity. Is an attempt at a strange identity another tether? So I persist; I pursue a line with a semblance of normalcy with a touch of novelty. But when I lose a sense of my identity, my perception of oblivion awaits.

I know oblivion; it waits for us all; in the end, I’ll see you there.

So, do we know oblivion?

Oblivion, where everything in the world crumbles: the structures, our identities, and meaning. But it’s in that same place that all things are created, right? It’s a place that creates our inner bliss, yet presents us the alternative extreme on that binary: dread. Hello, dread.

I wonder if it’s because we’re existing somewhere in between those two extremes of bliss and dread, while perceiving the full emotional spectrum of existence itself. It’s life’s contradictions, because it can be simultaneously dreadful and wonderful.

That is oblivion.

But do we know oblivion? No, because oblivion isn’t a possible experience. We only know our perception of it. Eternal oblivion? We cannot know it, as to know that place is to know non-existence. The concept of our “I” or our “you” doesn’t know non-existence, only existence, so we cannot know oblivion.

As to know oblivion is to not know time and we are bound to time, so we are bound to existence.

We can only peer in with a piece of our “you” holding on. And that piece of us can only imagine that place of oblivion, yet that imagination becomes the creation.

So do I fear oblivion?

No, I do not fear oblivion, as my mind allows me to imagine a sense of knowing that place to make peace with it. It’s always there for me, forcing me to cease imagining it as a disease by turning it into a created thought.

Yet that thought, that place, holds the creation of anxiety, but it also holds even further creation and wisdom. So, I persist with that thought of oblivion; I persist in fighting off depersonalization and derealization.

But I do not know oblivion. I only hope to balance this created experience of oblivion within myself to make peace with my perception of existence itself. But “I” do not know oblivion.


I originally wrote this piece of writing as a journal entry to myself, so it only had the use of I. However, I think a perception or conception of oblivion has happened to some extent for all of us. So in part of that contemplation of oblivion itself, I wanted to present it as a connected “we” in hopes you would start conceptualizing your own understanding of oblivion, which could then help you relate to my struggles, inner peace, and understandings (in hopes that this would then be helpful for you).

I do these free writes to help me make peace with my thoughts. However, I do wonder if I should be concerned that whenever I do this, and then when I read it back, I become concerned with how depressing or dark it can be perceived. But for me to truly understand that, I’d have to go again down the rabbit hole of oblivion. So, I’ll see you in oblivion.

Until next time,

With love,

Brenden

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